Tell me, if I tell you a story about a lost friendship, would you read it? or will you? Only you can answer this question. I feel like I lost a lot of friends over the years and we never really speak unless we need each other help or just to comment a status but when you go out your way and hang with a person all day long, pay their rent, bought food for their place so they won’t go hungry and show them memoirs they had as a kid growing up. I feel like this person owe me allot but she really doesn’t, why? because I wanted to do those things, I wanted to make her smile and I wanted to her to be happy for a change. She struggle allot in life and do things that she should do to survive in this lonely world, I not going to tag any names or even mention her, but I do wish her the best, even if she hates me or dislike me because some person who jealous of me, I can not control that. Only thing I can do is pray to god and hope we speak again if we allow it. I have faith in my lord and always will. Looking back on friendship make me wonder how life will be if I had the same old friends in high school? eh? confusing, some of them dead, some of the parents and some just nowhere to be found ya know? but I wish and pray that everyone has a blessed day even my family I pray for and I hardly speak to them but overall, that’s how life is, you help who you can and hope they do the same for you one day. I really do things in my life get better, I been mopping around for the past 2 days and I don’t know why but that’ll change starting tomorrow. Not one of my best notes like I use to do in the past but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy typing it, even if it didn’t make sense to you. I really hope this one person read it because of she the one that made me think of these things. Good night and have a blessed one, by King Johnathan F. Pugh.
Today was a good day if you ask me, I had to come into work at 0730 with 4 hours or sleep maybe 4.5? I not sure. All I know I woke up at 0500 on the dot and stayed up because I couldn’t fall back to sleep. Work was good for the first couple of hours. I started getting sleepy around 12 I believe and boi it sucks. I felt like I was going to pass out at the gate and that would have been bad. I thought of Rachel Ohmer today and wanted to speak to her so bad but something told me not to contact her but at the same time do. Like you ever get the dying feeling too? Yeah, that was me all freaky day. Like I really did fell for this girl yo. After work, I call my good old friend Amber to take me home. I notice on her snap she was home chilling and wasn’t doing nothing so I ask just to see what she would say and she said yes. We went to the corner store and she bought me a drink. I didn’t want her to buy me anything, to be honest, but I feel like it would have boosted her spirit which it probably did. She gave me a black as well. I probably didn’t need to smoke it but I wanted to feel relax and I had no more weed lol. I got home and played some 2k18 with some friends but we lost the game and I was too tired to continue so I took like a 2 or 3-hour nap which was needed. I gave in and call Rachel Ohmer. Apparently, she wasn’t talking to no one from home while she was on her trip… I mean I’m sure she talked to Tim Gunn but her you never know. I believe her and it felt nice hearing her voice, I feel like she wanted to talk but I didn’t push it. She told me what she was doing and I said I’m glad you doing well and that I was checking up on her. She seems curious about how I was doing. Even though I wanted to say the words I was dying to speak to you but I didn’t. She told me she will talk to me Monday which is the day she will be back home. Overall the day was good and tiresome. I myself is going to bed soon since I’ve to be up in the morning for another early shift. If you actually read all this, thank you I may not have the best grammar or the best blog but I’m happy enough to write my day down.
What can I do? My mind is in deep thought and I don’t know what to do… I can sit here and wish that she was still single because I wanna treat her the same but that’s is not always the case. I notice I should just let time work its magic because I know deep down inside. It’s not going to last to long. I feel like my dear good old friend Tim force the issue. I can tell by her voice she wasn’t ready to date anyone. Do I still plan on being friends with her? Yes. But I’m going to give her space and probably going to talk to her when needed to be. I’ll always be there for her and be her trainer in the gym. So far I haven’t spoken to her all day. I did text her did she made it home safe because she went to dude name mark house and ate some curry chicken that was vegan. I told her to be safe and text me when you get home or back to Tim house but she never did so far. As of right now I’m at work chilling. Until then I’ll see what happens.
It hurts eh? when you like and enjoy someone but BAM! they hit you with I’m dating someone now and you just shock deep down inside but you support and said I wish you the best and I’ll always be here for you. Can you image just saying that knowing you down mean it? I had to do that tonight and it sucks so bad like I didn’t know what to say to her but it’s like she doesn’t have one because of she still so close to you? I mean she still said she going to come over still and all that but I wonder what all that means? l how should go about my day when I can’t stop thinking of her like daily even now when I’m typing this. I guess the only I can do is wait because I want her bad… I going to end this here but stay tuned to my thought
I made a new friend like a month ago. Her name is Rachel Ohmer and now I like this new friend of mines. I’m always thinking of her for some odd reason like she always there traps deep within my mind. Her eyes so beautiful that you can’t help but stare at them. Whenever I do, I always get lost in them like there some type of device controlling my every move and every word. She was able to stop me from smoking a black with an old friend of mines, one look in her eyes told me not too… later that night my friend hang out with me before he had to catch the plane back to D.C. I notice that he needed to smoke badly like he was addicted to it. He even had this half black and tried to smoke it but fail. I guess you can say she save my life there and I’m thankful for that. I also train her at the gym every Monday and Wednesday and I can tell she wants to be there. I try to convince her to add another day if she able but we see about that. She also came over one night after our gym works out. We had to take another friend home first and I was happy about that because I wanted alone time with her and that is hard to do with a certain person who name is Tim, my good friend but that is a different story. The night was perfect, we watch pretty little lairs until 6:00 in the morning. We cuddle a little toward the end and I wish I would have tried that sooner because it felt nice holding her a little. I believe she like being touch by me which is cool. we going to the gym tonight and I can’t wait… I’m going to work here because I know she can handle it.
Life can be such a pain sometimes you know? I know I should be blessed to live every day but what’s the point if you can’t have what you want? Sitting down thinking about certain people made me realized you can’t have everything you want no matter how hard you try even if you be nice to them. True they’re just friends but you wanted more. You kinda realized you were lonely. Lonely enough to fall for anybody that cross your eyes. Being lonely is a hard battle if you ask me… you try to fight it off trying to be around with different people or staying home watching random t.v shows and etc… it can really be a pain, it’s like you fighting demons because you wanna push everyone away from you and be lock up in your room all day unless you cooking or using the bathroom or leaving for work. You sit there and wonder when it’s going to end, who going to make it stop or will this pointless battle last forever… I have been out of place lately, my mind is gone 24/7 but I realize I just have to act my normal self, and that stay chilling at all times. Hanging with people who has good vibes, try to get my life back on track no matter who I meet, try to force myself to go out more and make new friends who can lift you up, all these things come to your mind so so easy, but it’s up to you if you wanna make that change. True certain people can make an impact on your life and they leave you for no reason( and no I not talking about my ex) got nothing but love for her…. but in the mean time, I’ll see how this battle go. Thank you for reading if you did.
This blog is for my thoughts through out life. Opinions and just my personal life. I might of well start sharing now.